Emotional me and Realistic World

I had worked for almost two months including I went to training and meeting and sitting at branch doing nothing. So here's the problem: Do I have passion on this work?

Actually I do have passion! when I training at KL~ I always motivated and believe I can do my best! But some how in fact, in reality I not! I so demotivated and discourage from the work! I not sure what the real reason, perhaps the environment? Not saying that my colleagues is not friendly enough, but not that close too! perhaps one of the factors too!

Some more ! I think this might be the MAIN FACTOR!!! Beside target for Banca (which is my insurance products that I selling), I have target for open account, cards and FD and so on! I was like haihhhhhhh~ Not saying that I don't want to hit the target and do so! Just I think a bit stress!

Besides, some of my colleagues that same batch with me at diff branches right, some of them thinking to resign?! OMG~ and they same as me also demotivated and discourage from their work?! I can't said that I have not affected by them! Some how it did affect me! Emotional affected! I always tell myself that give myself 6 months for probation! After that if the PB wanna fire me then that's my destiny!!!

Actually what kind of work? what kind of field that I suit to?

I thought sales? But banking may be not really suit me? The only good things of Bank just HIGH SALARY!!! I always thought that I not a materialistic person but I end up lured by money too! Although Banking is my second choice but I think really not suit for me...

Last week I went to KK for sales meeting! So I had met up with my AIA LASSE! So just random met up and some chit chat! So she ask me that 'Do you ever think of your dream?' Oh yeah! I think this question I had been asked by many people edy! So actually what is my dream?

Some of you might said that actually my dream is to be an artist or singer or composer as long as music industry?! But is it really my dream? Or I think this dream is so unrealistic to me so I runaway from it??? I not sure about it!

But I remember that I watched a HK movie - 'DIVA'~ Joey had say so in the movie "I like to sing! So whenever I want to sing then sing, don't feel like to sing then not! But artist not! even you don't feel like to sing you still have to sing!' Singer is an occupation! Singing is a daily life routine! XD... 

Whatever! I will give me 6 months time to stay with PB! after that then see how~ I will keep looking any job vacancy available out there too! Especially for admin or marketing or PR or R&D la! XD

so emotional me! but why? Physically and mentally exhausted! but why????

I think I'm not a good guy! I'm not a good partner! I'm not a good boyfriend! So I better don't mess up with people life!